Tube Trickery or Twattery

On the way back from the reading last night, myself and a good friend (and fellow writer reading) got the tube home. (The limo didn’t turn up again.) He was delighted to find that I too always walk to the right spot on the platform so I can get in the carriage which will be nearest my desired exit/ fastest route of escape.

For example, if getting the Central Line to Bond Street in order to change for the Jubilee Line it is best to stand about one carriage behind the middle of the tube. Then, when the doors open, you are in prime position to nip off the train and up the escalator well ahead of the hideous hordes. Once safely on the northbound Jubilee Line platform you should walk all the way to the end of the platform so you can get in the last but one carriage. (This is a change to previous arrangements due to the extra carriage on Jubilee Line trains.) Then, on arrival at Willesden Green you are hot to trot up the stairs before grimy gangs of travellers trample you into the platform.

I can not describe the incredible frustration of finding myself in the wrong carriage, knowing that I’m going to have to walk almost the whole length of the platform, trapped behind tortoise-like tourists with towering luggage, all because I’ve got the Bakerloo Line from Kilburn Park mixed up with the Northern Line from Tottenham Court Road.

Apparently, one of my friend’s friend thought this practice was both ridiculous and anal. I didn’t tell him that I also stand on the platform so that when the tube arrives I will find myself slightly to one side (to allow passengers off the train) of the doors as they open. There are always more dirty footprints on the white platform edge where the doors will open, this can be quite tricky in the summer but once mastered you are almost guaranteed a seat. Almost.