05 May 2006

Racoons - they say they'll call but they never do.

I think Orange picked the wrong animals to go with their talk plans. Firstly, how do dolphins send text messages? They haven’t got any thumbs. Also, the word ‘text’ much like the word ‘party’ isn’t a verb.

I therefore propose:
For the absent-minded
Squirrel is for people who put their phone down and then can’t remember where they left it.

For the socially inept and irritating.
Hyena is for people who think the whole train/bus/street/pub/world want to listen to their conversation. When actually the whole train/bus/street/pub/world could cheerfully strangle them with their annoying lanyard.

For the vacant poseur.
Peacock is for people who have the latest camera, pda, mp3 phone and can move the satellites over Russia but can’t work out answer it when it starts endlessly chiming Goldfrapp.

For the older user.
Mole is for people who press the buttons on their handset very slowly and very very hard and for people who have to hold the phone as far away as their arms will allow in order to see those buttons.

Sultan’s Elephant
For those who have the wrong number.
Sultan’s Elephant is for those people who get a lot of calls not really meant for them, not quite wrong numbers but still not actual callers.

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