12 September 2006

Commentary

I am new to having my own blog, although I have been reading other people blogs for ages so you’d think I’d have picked up a few tricks along the way. It seems to me that comments are a blessing and a curse. Like a site meter – the crack cocaine of blogging.

Troubled Diva has written about comment box etiquette, namely should you reply to the comment of new commenter as a matter of comment courtesy. You should go and read it, if you haven’t already. I nearly left a comment but then I was sore afraid, cracked under the pressure and ran away making that funny noise I make sometimes.

Someone once moaned because I didn’t reply to their comment and I told them that I don’t really have a policy of replying to them and please could they not give me a hard time because I had a hangover and felt fragile. I often don’t reply because I have very witty and amusing readers and the comment is too damn funny and to reply would be to invite humiliation. Also, I suspect I know most of the people who leave comments for me. I dread welcoming a new commenter and then, a couple of minutes later, hearing a snort of derision from the other end of the office.

Leaving comments is, apparently, a great way for a new blogger to get visitors. It’s practically the number one helpful hint you get when you start out. I think this is called whoring, but I might have gotten confused about that. I imagine the best place to whore yourself about is a good blog that you like reading; a busy one that gets a lot of visitors (who aren’t all good friends of the blogger).

But I think that those established bloggers are scary. Particularly if they are very, very good and have lots of readers and go on the radio. For example. It reminds me of those terrible days at school when I would follow my Dad’s ‘advice’ and introduce myself to some new kids in a futile attempt to make some friends. Invariably, they would look at me for a long, long time and then laugh and point, laugh and point and then laugh some more. So I often click on the leave-a-comment-link and hover over my keyboard and then bottle it. Particularly if there’s an enormous chain of witty, insightful comments from people I’ve actually heard of.

It’s like being in the ladies at China White and not daring to come out of the cubicle because two members of Girls Aloud and the sex slave trafficker one from Bad Girls are trowelling on their makeup at the mirror. Except with more class and better grammar.

Although I’m not speaking from experience, and I did leave a comment at the fabulous
Naked Blog, mostly because I got two thousand times more hits than I usually get because [*presumption use of first name alert*] Peter mentioned me on his blog and I was giddy with joy. He did reply to my inane comment and I actually fell over. I sustained some mild chaffing to my elbow but was otherwise unscathed, thank you for asking.

What was my point? Oh yes; I’m too chicken to leave comments most of the time so if I do and I get a ‘hello and welcome’ it’s like the opposite of stealing my lunch money and ripping the badge of my blazer. But your comments box is not all about me, right? My comments box is all about me.

Leave me a comment now or I will be sad.

28 comments:

Popplestone said...

re. "I dread welcoming a new commenter and then, a couple of minutes later, hearing a snort of derision from the other end of the office"

Too late.

Regards from the other end of the office.

Froosh Bamboo said...

You see. You see. I rest my case. Or something.*

*This constitutes a reply.

David Earls said...

What type of school did you go to that had badges and blazers? All sounds a bit posh if you ask me. Which, of course, you didn't.

Froosh Bamboo said...

All the schools where I'm from had badges and blazers. Even the really, really bad ones. I thank God. It's only because I kept stitching my badge back on my blazer that I got out of school with a face left on the front of my head. Where it ought to be.

Another reply - wheee.

Popplestone said...

Hey! I had badges and blazers too!

(and I'm not a wuss who is afraid of exclamation marks either)

Froosh Bamboo said...

Peststone.

See, I've resorted to insults already.

Popplestone said...

Only 'cos you're jealous.

mike said...

Hello froosh bamboo, and welcome!

Froosh Bamboo said...

Ow, I've just twatted my elbow a treat on the edge of my desk.

I'm laughing through the pain though.

pink said...

*laughs at mike*

i was thinking of a similiar china whites comparison myself. but then i thought "i've never been there, what do i know?", which is obviously nothing. so i didn't.

so i'm glad you did.

(i'll be back later to read the reply to this comment.)

Froosh Bamboo said...

I've never been to China White's either. You can't peel me off the floor in the Altalantic bar though.

You've alreadly been back and missed this, haven't you?

Ossian said...

The best way to get visitors is to leave a comment as the first comment on a new story at the Guardian or other site with half of humanity flowing through it. (Guardian online gets 8 million hits per month.) That's why you'll sometimes see an inane sounding, "I think I agree with the Willesden Herald (http://www.willesdenherald.com helpfully added) on this one." as the first reply to some Guardian story, as when I pimped "Chancellor attacked by unfeasibly large testicle" (the WH's take on Clarke attacking Brown over there, and got about 100 hits out of it right away. They die down after a while, but they'll still keep popping now and again till internet doomsday. You have to be a little cagey if you don't want to get banned.

By the way, the biggest turn-off on a blog is people talking about blogging. But as (is there such a thing as) a recent virgin (ahaha) you may be forgiven. Yeah, never had a ... but had a recent ...

Ossian said...

did you know that your sitemeter is set to public? it's awful, it's like going back to somewhere and seeing a picture of yourself when you were there the last time. i'm not adding any more cubicle humour to this.

peter said...

ossian, you're in a granny and egg-sucking situation, but which doesn't really explain why your last paragraph is so wrong. (Check those public sitemeter stats if you don't believe me.)

Froosh, now you've been on both NB and TD that does make you some sort of faghag. But it also kind of welcomes you into the playground with the big girls.

Your lunchbox is just fine. Nicely. Now tell us about yourself. And where did you get that lovely writing style?

Grover Mills said...

All very fascinating. But what about the dragonfly?

Ossian said...

either i don't understand peter's comment about sitemeter or he doesn't understand mine, or possibly both. also whose granny am i teaching to suck eggs, exactly and whose eggs am i teaching her to suck? and how come this putative granny spends so much time sucking eggs? the world needs to know. it sounds like a mis-spent grannyhood.

Froosh Bamboo said...

Ossian: Please don't argue with the other nice people. I can't deal with conflict in any context. Just ask Mummy.

Peter: I shall just check with Ossian to see if I'm allowed to write about myself on my blog and then I shall both kiss and tell. In that order. Also, yay to faghaggery.

Grover: All clear on the dragonfly front. Limbs in order.

Froosh Bamboo said...

Oh yeah; hello all, and welcome.

Shambolic, isn't it?

Ossian said...

Faghaggery is nothing. Wait till you see the loopygroupies.

Peter said...

Well - I've heard of kiss and tell, but that's kind of game, set and match, as Martina is used to hearing. Wow. Thank you.

Ossian said...

It's not necessary, really. Oh, alright then. Cheers.

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